It’s not always easy to tell if a relationship is unhealthy or abusive. Domestic violence can happen to anyone, regardless of age, race, class, religion, gender or sexual orientation. Abusive behavior can appear at any time in the relationship, whether you’re dating, married, or if you have children together.
How can you tell if your relationship is abusive?
Does your partner ever…
- Criticize you down, embarrass or make you feel bad about yourself?
- Control what you do, what you wear, who you see, talk to or where you go?
- Keep you from seeing your friends or family?
- Look at you or act in ways that scare you?
- Push, punch, slap, or strangle you?
- Prevent you from going to school or work?
- Tell you that you’re a bad parent or threaten to take away your children?
- Steal your money, track how you spend money, or limit your access to shared money or bank accounts? Make you ask friends or family for money?
- Force you to perform sexual acts when you don’t want to?
- Demand that you always ask for their permission to do anything, or treat you like a servant?
- Tell you that you can’t participate in ceremony, pow wows or feasts, or practice bad medicine against you?
- Use their status in the community to threaten or control you?
- Leave you stranded far from home, or lock you out of your home?
- Destroy your belongings or property, or threaten to kill your pets?
- Intimidate, threaten or hurt you with guns, knives or other weapons?
- Threaten to commit suicide, or threaten to kill you or your family members?
- Act like the abuse is no big deal, deny the abuse, or tell you ‘it’s your own fault’ or that ‘you deserved it’?
If you answered ‘yes’ to even one of these questions, you may be in an unhealthy or abusive relationship. No matter the situation, abuse is not your fault – it’s the person being hurtful or violent who chooses to behave in this way.
To get help, call us at 1-844-7NATIVE (1-844-762-8483) if any of this information raises a red flag for you or someone you know. Advocates are available daily from 7 a.m. to 10 p.m. CST. Here’s more information about what to expect when you call. All calls remain anonymous and confidential.
There are many legal factors advocates consider when addressing domestic violence and sexual assault in Indian Country.
Many tribes face unparalleled obstacles when attempting to address the issues of domestic violence and sexual assault on their land, and Native American survivors of domestic violence, dating violence, and sexual assault often experience jurisdictional hurdles when they report or attempt to heal.
Every tribe, federally recognized or not, faces a maze of legal systems and statutory frameworks that intersect, often leaving victims without a clear path to justice.
It is important to know that federally recognized tribes are sovereign nations in the United States, but as a result of a 1978 Supreme Court decision in the case of Oliphant v. Suquamish Indian Tribe, tribes were stripped of their authority to prosecute non-Native people (ex. individuals of other races) for on-reservation crimes.
Because tribes could not exercise criminal jurisdiction for several decades — the right to prosecute violent crimes committed in Indian Country by non-Native people — both state and federal authorities were expected to exercise jurisdiction in these cases.
However, state and federal authorities often declined to prosecute in the majority of these cases for different reasons. This situation left most tribes powerless to criminally punish non-Native people who came onto reservations and committed domestic or sexual violence against Native people. As a result, the prevalence of domestic violence, dating violence, and sexual assault in Indian Country grew astronomically.
In 2013, Congress reauthorized the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), which restored tribal courts’ ability to exercise “special domestic violence criminal jurisdiction” over domestic and dating violence crimes or violations of protection orders regardless of the defendant’s Native or non-Native status, where the tribes meet certain requirements in accordance with the Indian Civil Rights Act per the U.S. Bill of Rights, the Tribal Law and Order Act, and where the tribe’s criminal justice system fully protects defendants’ rights under applicable federal law. 
The reauthorized VAWA went into effect in 2015. The reauthorization recognizes tribes’ sovereign power to investigate, prosecute, convict, and sentence both Indians and non-Indians who assault Indian spouses or dating partners or violate a protection order in Indian Country. It does not, however, cover sexual assault or rape committed by non-Natives who are strangers to their victims, nor does it protect Native American children who are victims of abuse or assault.
Tribal, state and federal jurisdiction issues remain at the forefront of legal advocacy for domestic violence advocates. Understanding the implications of laws such as Public Law 280, tribal courts and their authority, as well as the federal government’s role in prosecuting on-reservation violent crimes, is critical to legal advocacy for any Native American victim of domestic violence.
Depending on your situation, you might determine that reporting abuse or taking legal action against an abusive partner is the best course for you. It is important to note that the StrongHearts Native Helpline does not give legal advice, and we are not legal advocates; however, our StrongHearts advocates may be able to help you locate a legal advocate in your area if needed.
To explore your options and available resources, speak with a StrongHearts advocate by calling 1-844-7NATIVE (1-844-762-8483), open 7 a.m. to 10 p.m. CST, seven days a week. Callers reaching out after hours may connect with the National Domestic Violence Hotline by selecting option 1.